Kill the Head, (and the body will die)

  What is myself?

  An individual is one who is undivided. An undivided individual has no other self, is aware of no other self or awareness, To speak or think of myself is mental division. To speak to or think or think of myself mentally, is to divide the individual. For example, to say to myself "I am stupid"
 Or " I am better then that, or I should have known better" is to already believe I am divided.

  This can be seen to be a belief. But the practice of doing this is habitual. The habitual activity is to tell "myself stories" about what is happening around me, since the stories are coming from "myself" "I" habitually believe them. They are always false. This is self reliance, this produces fear.

  This is a false sense of self. After a period of time this activity becomes uncomfortable, then painful. This suffering produces an activity which seeks to relieve the suffering. I become aware "I" am suffering, suffering from a belief that I the awareness has a secondary me.

  There is no secondary me, the belief there is, is the suffering, is the search for relief in what is not me.

 This is the bondage to self.

 The habit becomes so ingrained, "I" see everything through the filter of me, it is always distorted. Everything is seen in terms of relieving the suffering, reality becomes the raw material, for the "me's"  escape through fantasy of sex and violence. The insatiable need for security arises, and food becomes a preoccupation.

 I cannot escape from this, as the problem does not exist in reality, I cannot solve "my" own imaginary problem. But as is by now evident, this split is insane, IE, not in reality, realities only use is for raw material for escape fantasies.

  This is a spiritual dilemma.

  Everything I sense reinforces the split. My senses have been turned against me by myself.

 The imaginary self I believe I have is threatened by everything, because it suspects it is imaginary, so to protect it self, it projects the threat outside itself, then its raw material for its own fantasies becomes threatening. The very idea of trust is threatening.

  This is exacerbated by holding conversations with myself, some times in the third person, IE,  "I should have said this to them, I'm not going to be treated this way" "from now on this is the way I'm going to handle that type of situation". Giving myself advice.

 Never asking the one question that leads to freedom, "Who is the my in myself?"

 When this me becomes acute the need to isolate seems to provide security at the cost of turning more inward, the self conversations become centered on fixing the problem, and trying to ignore it.


 Finally the light comes on, "kill the head and the body will die" it's the only way out, poison the fucking bastard and the it's voice will stop, then I'll have some peace.

  What ever happens don't tell anyone, they will think you are insane, and you know it's not you it's yourself.

  When you can admit it's you that is crazy you become sane, you see there is no myself, there is just I. You were only caught in a cliche, "me, myself and I" or as some people who have woken up to this truth call it the ism, "the I, the self, and the me.

  Acting your way into sanity, coming out of the world "I" live in with myself, examining all the past stories, and telling them to someone, going out into the world and repairing the damage, then showing, some other schizoid the way out.

  You are left with a single I, that does not have to die.