Lets look at the first direction in the Big Book, Try a little controlled drinking. Why would he tell an alcoholic to drink? I believe that unless it was my own personal experience that I couldn't stop, the first step would remain not understandable. Then following a period of sobriety I would fall back into thinking I had it under control. You see this very often in AA.
The idea of a power greater then my self remains just that, an idea. The second direction will only be tried if the first step is believed, if I am convinced.
The second direction is to form my own concept of a power greater then myself, this is the missed direction, the third step remains a concept until this is done.
How often do you here someone say "the group is my higher power" No you heard it from someone else you didn't do the work to form your own. If you don't do the work you don't get the benefit.
What you are left with is people saying that being sober is what this is about. Wrong, If this were about staying sober, just don't drink the first drink and you will be OK, But the book says, you are powerless over that first drink, that is the problem, if this is your thinking you have skipped the first step. Your life is unmanageable because you are powerless over the first drink.
Remember the first step is only a description of the problem, the thinking that proceeds the first drink.
(Now is the time to ask yourself am I really, really powerless over the first drink? If you say "not if I don't take it" you just missed the point)
The second step is a statement of the solution, You agree or don't agree based on the concept YOU formed of a higher power. It will not click if you use an old power or someone else's, not even the old ideas "I just don't know, Or I can't believe" If you are stuck here, go back to the first direction and try some controlled drinking. (you will any way or be sober and suffering). This is not brain surgery, just follow the directions. If your sponsor has done this they can show you how they did it. If they can't show you find someone who can.
The chapter "We Agnostics" is just that, it is addressed to us who can honestly admit we have no knowledge of a power greater then themselves "doing anything", all that is in our "knowledge" is the world around us and it's conditions. God is understood by us as someones imaginary friend. Very quaint.
In "We Agnostics, there are directions for "us" who have honest doubt, and can admit it, to come to an awareness of a power that is right here, right now, and is not in any conflict with any religion.
The book says that from that point on (when we follow the direction) it is "only" speaking to our conception when it speaks of god. To miss this point is to negate a very fundamental direction.
The direction, or suggestion is the recipe, as in do this then that will be evident.
Our "problem" as alcoholics can only be seen from the point of view of the solution, the solution given in following the directions for doing (or taking action on) step two on pages 46 & 47 of the Big Book, without the understanding given by acting on these directions, sobriety will be "maintained" by self knowledge.
Nothing but self knowledge and some vague metaphysical bullshit will be "passed on" to a newcomer.
The cornerstone of the solution that "self in it's various manifestations" is the problem will be overlooked.
My experience is a magic happens in the process of coming up with my own higher power.
Maybe it was the release from doing the same thing and expecting different results. It made all the difference in working the steps. This time I stayed.
The only thing worse than being drunk and knowing about AA, is sitting in an AA meeting and suffering sober if you call that sober.
You will know if you have done this by your own willingness to work the steps.
This is not a topic for meetings, this is only for the one on one, discussion meetings are the other way of doing AA.
They (the meetings) are the substitute for the taking action on the second step. They give the new alcoholic something to do, to take the focus off the problem, to change the way he feels.
The solution is in the following the directions in the book, not in the meetings.
Meetings change, the directions in the book don't, everything is discussed in the meetings, only the directions are discussed in the book.
The common solution is an "understanding" a common understanding. As "we' (as opposed to "me") understand it. If this seems a little confusing, guess what?
The book says "little or nothing can be accomplished until this understanding is reached". Until you know what this understanding is, what are you passing on?
I can not manage anything. If I had that ability, I would not have walked in the door. Powerless................... over everything.
ReplyDeleteCame to believe, Hell ya, but not in what I thought I believed in. Always doubt in what I been tought, questioning always, but only to myself. "This is the way, always has been and always will be. Just believe son, have faith". And I did, and it worked, for awhile. Then all hell would break loose again. It has only been, for me, a total surrender, willingness to not do the same old shit over and over again that has worked for me. Yes the Big Book with its simple directions, a sponsor that has gone thru this, and my willingness to be rid of old ideas, that is what has worked for me.
Wow, this has prompted me to reread. These steps out of the Big Book led me to the "pealing of the onion" and when that is done what am I left with? Page 55, 3rd paragraph.
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