Happens All the Time

  What is this? What do I mean by this, this, call it the present moment experience and all it includes.
  Where is it coming from? How is this happening, including the sense of me in it.

  Would this "be" if there was not a me? Is there a me seeing an out there? It all seems so intimate.

  Could I know I am if not for what I am surrounded by? Why this sense of standing apart from all this? Could this sense of standing apart be inherent in this? Than that would be this too. But this standing apart makes me uneasy, why? Could it be uneasy is also included, it seems so.

  But back to how is this happening. I can read books or talk to people about what this is, but that always leads away from this, I become caught in the ideas about this, but aren't the ideas about this, included in this?

  Can I ever be lead away from this? Where would I go? This always seems to be my starting point, and my ending place.  Can I call this here? Yes this and here feel the same. I see trying to explain this somehow takes away the wonder of this, and leaves a sense of unease. But the exploring of it inhales this feeling of self, I forget myself in the wonder of here.

  When I believe I know what this is, it becomes old. The truth be told, I don't know what this is, I can only wonder, and lose myself it it, or believe I know what it is, and feel the unease. It seems that both these different attitudes are included in this.

  But honestly, it appears I don't know what this is but somehow I do, I can't banish either of these two attitudes, they come and go as they will, but still the knowing and the not knowing are dependent on this/here, without this neither could be, I am dependent on this to be, but the I and this seem to be much the same, I can't find the dividing line.

  If there is no division then there is not two, but there seems to be a division, could that division be what the mind is? But these questions are also included in this.

  It is like an apple, are the seeds the apple, or part of the apple?  But they are both made of the same stuff. So I and this, this present moment experience are made of the same stuff, only divided by word thoughts, ideas and concepts, nothing is not included. Nothing is excluded. 

 
  Can I experience this, this here and now, without words? Yes, but there is no memory of what happens when there is direct experience without words. There is only this. And what can you say about this, only that it is empty of mental content. Even when I close my eyes there is that knowing, that is empty of mental content.  There can be thought, but the knowing itself is empty of mental content, thought appears in the knowing. The knowing includes everything, but itself remains empty of mental content. By knowing the content it is the content, but the thoughts cannot touch it, there can be no, true actual living memory of the emptiness of mental content.

  I can only know this now, and the I that knows it disappears in the wonder of it.

  You can do this yourself. Just relax into this without words, wonder with out words, you will have no memory of the experience, you can have no memory of yourself disappearing, nothing to get.

  This is really not so weird, it happens every night. It happens all the time.